Quotes

“Make me one with everything.”

       -- Bhudist overheard talking to a hot dog vendor...

"Do not argue with a fool. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

“Nothing is often the best thing to do and always the best thing to say.”

“God discovered birds and he created trees. Man discovered birds and he created cages.”

“Live fast, love hard, die young and leave a beautiful memory” --Faron Young

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time."

“Medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.”

“Start everyday with a smile. Get it over with.” --W.C. Fields

“Think about how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them are stupider than that.” --George Carlin

Red Skelton's Recipe For The Perfect Marriage

1.  Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2.  We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3.  I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4.  I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5.  We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6.  She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7.  My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8.  She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9.  She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10.  Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11.  I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12.  I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"   I said, "Dust!".

"She was a very pretty girl in a town where a pretty girl really stood out."

“You, the queen of warmongers, embodiment of corruption, and personification of the rot that has sickened the Democratic Party for so long, have finally come out from behind the curtain.”

                -- Gabbard's response to Hillary Clinton on Twitter after being accused of being a Russian asset.

"Circus dogs jump when the trainer cracks his whip, but the really well-trained dog is the one that turns his somersault when there is no whip."

"Turning $100 into $110 is work. Turning $100,000,000 into $110,000,000 is inevitable."

"It is in the nature of democratic institutions, that they presuppose at least a minimal willingness to abide by the rules of democratic principles.  But it is extremely dangerous, either in the name of "civility" or "bipartisanship," to yield to those who seek nothing less than the destruction of democracy—a point drivin home by Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels's harsh reference to the "stupidity" of democracy, Goebbels proclaimed: "It will always remain one of democracy’s best jokes that it provided its mortal enemies with the means by which it was destroyed."

                     -- The Coming of the Third Reich

"May the Devil cut the toes, off our fucking foes, so that we may know them by their limping."

        -- Old Irish toast.

"Malevolence, tempered with incompetence."

          -- Description of Trumps Cabinet and Administration

"The mendacity of the press can be divided into two groups: the yellow press lies every day without hesitating. But other, like the Times, Speak the truth on all inconsequential occasions, so they can deceive the public with the requisite authority when it becomes necessary."

"Unless justice be done to others it will not be done to us."

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

                   --(about Ernest Hemingway).

“A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.”

“A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.”

"The next Monday the class discussed socialism and capitalism. John proposed that only bees, termites and ants were true socialists and that, fundamentally, capitalists get it wrong because the one true fact about wealth was that it was finite like the material universe; and therefore the accrual of wealth did double duty as an engine of poverty."